GREEN BELT

I tested for my green belt and passed.

 
Relief. Comfort. Calm. After a stressful two weeks of constant practice, trying to get my kata stripe, I did get it, which made it possible for me to test for the belt.

 

But, strangely, I felt as though I didn't deserve the stripe. I felt like an impostor, a fraud.

 

Why could I not trust that my instructors were right in giving me that kata stripe? Why could I not believe that I had worked hard and finally earned it? Trust? Faith? In karate?

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I helped out with the belt tests for the kids of our dojo. I had the opportunity to help kids in the Early, Basic, Core, and Extreme SKILLZ classes test for their next belts. I found that many of the kids were struggling with the same doubts, yet I knew that they were ready. They had earned their eight stripes in various abilities and skills for their belt levels to test for the next one. I believed in them when they doubted themselves. (There was a lesson to be learned!) Just as my instructors believe in me when I doubted myself.

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Helping out with all of the tests for the kid classes, prior to my own, relieved my own anxiety and nervousness. And, once I had my first mistake "under my belt" during my own test, I relaxed into the process and just did what I've been training to do.

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My tester was generous. He also provided great feedback and criticism. Did he rate me too high? I would tell you yes, but then the comments he included with the scores were on target. They were all things I've heard from other instructors, including our Shihan. So I'm leaning into it. Letting it be what it is. Enjoying the (brief) respite that will follow before it all begins anew and I begin the pursuit of my blue belt.