ROAST SQUIRREL

Yesterday, I arrived home from work to a yard filled with prostrate squirrels. The temperature reached a high of 97.5 degrees Fahrenheit at our house and the squirrels were feeling the heat.

Normally, the squirrels are my adversaries. They attempt to steal seed from my bird feeders. They attempt to tip over the bird bath. They tear vegetable starts out of my garden. They get into my home.

The above sight, however, was rather pathetic. A yard filled with lethargic and panting squirrels moved me to action. A garbage can lid, turned upside-down, became an impromptu watering trough. The squirrels were left to drink and bathe as the wife, the child, and I left for air-conditioned dining pleasure at The Powerhouse, rather than sit in the 90 degrees Fahrenheit of our home.

BOREDOM ADDENDUM

It seems there are antidotes other than grief to alleviate boredom. Recent experience has shown the Work Table that anxiety (such as "where is the squirrel in the house now?") and fear (such as "the squirrel just grunted and lunged at me again!") are effective ways to remove boredom from one's life. This shouldn't be news to anyone. It simply highlights the difference between the rational, the intellectual, and the irrational, the experiential.

EXILE

The squirrel was reintroduced into the wild (with Troy's Work Table doing the honors, as pictured above). The chimney was covered with a grate before the squirrel was released. The wife, the child, and I all celebrated at dinner with a prayer that it never visit the inside of our home again and a toast that it is indeed gone after 48 hours of residence within our humble abode.

I have never seen a squirrel run so fast as this one did when it realized the trap door was open! Good riddance, O squirrel friend, good riddance.

SPOILS OF WAR

In this case, the spoils of war are (1) a brief incarceration; (2) having one's picture taken; (3) having one's picture posted on the Work Table for all to see.

Remember that this "cute" creature chewed through wiring in our furnace, which led to the furnace functioning improperly due to shorts, potentially leading to a house fire. It also urinated and defecated all over the floor when I approached the cage for transport to the great outdoors.

I am going to send the squirrel the bill for the furnace repairs we had to have done, as well as for the cage trap.

CAPTURE

The Havahart 1030 works magnificently.

The wife goes to work. The child and I leave for the day. The cat is napping upstairs. The house is quiet.

Squirrel recognizes silence. Squirrel is hungry. Squirrel ventures forth. Squirrel spies peanuts lying in glob of peanut butter. Squirrel enters the Havahart 1030 Skunk Trap. Squirrel steps on trigger plate. Havahart 1030 closes its doors and locks them.

Picture of squirrel is posted on blog for all the world to see. Squirrel is shamed.

SIEGE AT FORTRESS WORK TABLE

The furnace is repaired and works better than ever. The furnace room is temporarily sealed off from the bedroom. The trap was triggered yesterday afternoon, but there was no sign of the squirrel. There was no more growling or activity. We thought the squirrel had died.

After a quick check this morning, and a prod with a dowel into his last known location, the squirrel responded with a growl. The squirrel is still under the floorboards in his small, nearly inaccessible crawlspace. The Havahart 1030 awaits the squirrel's hunger to bring it forth for the joy of peanuts...

INSURGENT ATTACK!

The squirrel is back in my headspace now. It did some extensive damage to wires in the furnace. Some were shorting out. Were we close to a fire? Who knows? But, the squirrel shows its resilience.

The squirrel is still hiding out. The cage is still waiting...

COUNTERATTACK!

Now in place: the Havahart 1030 Skunk Trap, which is intended for the live entrapment of skunks, rabbits, and large squirrels (of which our squatter qualifies). It is baited with Jif Extra Chunky Peanut Butter and two peanuts. The waiting begins...

SQUIRREL ATTACK!

The wife calls me at work. The wife informs me that we need a chimney cap. Something is in our furnace. She says it is growling at her. Long story short: she opens the furnace and out comes a very upset squirrel. The squirrel is in the house. Eventually, it ends up under the bed. It is hopping about, rather crazy from being trapped in a furnace and then subjected to the company of humans in their home, when it simply wants to be outside eating hazelnuts. The squirrel retreats to a very shallow crawl space under the floorboards adjacent to the bedroom of the wife and I. It is growling quite loudly when we approach. I can see the squirrel, but it is right behind both our water heater and a good size block of wood, and it is staying put.

Needless to say, we are sleeping in the living room because there is no way to keep it from coming into the bedroom, if it so desires. The wife is on the couch. I was on the floor, but am now awake waiting for home improvement stores to open so I can go and purchase a squirrel trap. I believe that this is one of those times when I am reminded that nature always finds a way of letting us know that it is ever present.