TINNITUS

Over the past couple of years, I've noticed it is difficult for me to distinguish individual sources of sound in a crowded and/or noisy environment. I'm not going to hear most of what you say to me in a bar or at a party, unless you are standing close to me and speaking above normal. Recently, I've also noticed that my brain is trying to "fix" what I'm not hearing in quieter situations. 

For example, The Wife and I were watching the evening news and they kept showing pictures of snow in the Rocky Mountains. I asked why they kept mentioning "Miami." The Wife told me they were talking about "Wyoming." (Say them aloud to yourself.)

So it was off for a hearing test. I was told that my hearing was "normal, but that doesn't mean perfect." It also made me aware that I have likely been experiencing tinnitus for some time, at least at a low level. The problem is that testing made me hyperaware of the tinnitus, which brought it to the forefront of my attention and therefore made it problematic.

Currently, I am using three different tools to counter and/or lessen the effect of the tinnitus.

[1] I tried out Loop Quiet 2 earplugs. Online results of earplugs were mixed in alleviating tinnitus, but I found that they did help me. I wore them during most of a worship service, which diminished the higher pitches, which were giving the tinnitus strength. I also wore them when I slept and most of the ambient noises of the room disappeared, allowing me a better night of sleep. 



[2] I have a pair of air conduction "open ear" headphones, so I paired them with a "tinnitus relief" app on my smartphone. Playing with various types of sounds, I discovered that "brown noise" does counter my tinnitus. So I have the app act as a brown noise generator at low volume and can still hear the soundtrack of the real world.

[3] I found a good Buddhist response to tinnitus online, which I've been trying to enact. Accept it for what it is, but don't allow it any power. Don't try to focus on it. Don't try to not focus on it. Just let it be. This is easier said than done, but I think its the same way that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) works on tinnitus and I potentially saved myself a bunch of energy, time, and money.

We'll see how it goes!

LEFT-HANDED GIRL

Left-Handed Girl (2025) directed by Shih-Ching Tsou. This family drama navigates generations of a Taiwanese family and their dynamics. Shu-Fen moves to Taipei with her two daughters—young adult I-Ann and five-year-old I-Jing. She opens a noodle stand in a night market and struggles to make ends meet. Shu-Fen's relationships with her parents and siblings complicate everything. All of the characters are just living their lives but also "putting on a good face" for the public and one another. Until it all unravels, in some sense. Beware the Devil Hand that sets a lot of bad things into motion! (Thanks, Grandpa!)

The cinematography favors rich colors and amber light. The sound mixing is exquisite at times, especially during market scenes. It's a sensually-rich movie. Highly recommended.

Streaming on Netflix.

STORM of FORMS

Tonight's sit was a storm of forms arising from emptiness. (Except emptiness is form, and form is emptiness.)

The ticking of the clock on the wall. 

The scent of someone's sweat. 

Sirens of emergency vehicles, near and far. 

Sighs and soft exhalations. 

The chatter of my own mind. 

The humming of the heater when it was on. 

The fluctuating temperature of the room. 

The aroma of Eiheiji incense. 

The pins-and-needles burning of numb legs. 

The dripping of the leaky pipe supplying the water fountain. 

The flicker of the candle on the altar. 

The slight smell of urine on a nearby cushion or the floor. 

People talking loudly in the alley behind the building. 

The shifting of someone in a chair.

And yet: simply showing up for the present moment.

THE MERGE

The Merge (2025) by Grace Walker. I was sucked in by the cover design and stayed for the content. This dystopian sci-fi and existential mystery novel follows four pairings of people who are merging under the watchful eye of the Combine company. We primarily follow 23-year-old Amelia (the Host) and her mother with early-onset Alzheimer's, Laurie (the Transfer), as they merge into one new being containing two persons, Laurie-Amelia. The first half of the book follows their journey of pre-operative preparations, and raises many questions about personhood and being. The second half of the book takes place after the surgery and quickly spirals into many levels of personal hell. The mechanics of the Merge are never fully explained, which is preferable to slogging through a lot of pseudoscience. Laurie's Alzheimer's challenges our grasp on the stories being told and shared. Is she a reliable narrator? This was a brisk read for me, with good pacing and plenty of intrigue and surprises. Recommended. 

 

Checked out from the Puyallup Public Library