TINNITUS

Over the past couple of years, I've noticed it is difficult for me to distinguish individual sources of sound in a crowded and/or noisy environment. I'm not going to hear most of what you say to me in a bar or at a party, unless you are standing close to me and speaking above normal. Recently, I've also noticed that my brain is trying to "fix" what I'm not hearing in quieter situations. 

For example, The Wife and I were watching the evening news and they kept showing pictures of snow in the Rocky Mountains. I asked why they kept mentioning "Miami." The Wife told me they were talking about "Wyoming." (Say them aloud to yourself.)

So it was off for a hearing test. I was told that my hearing was "normal, but that doesn't mean perfect." It also made me aware that I have likely been experiencing tinnitus for some time, at least at a low level. The problem is that testing made me hyperaware of the tinnitus, which brought it to the forefront of my attention and therefore made it problematic.

Currently, I am using three different tools to counter and/or lessen the effect of the tinnitus.

[1] I tried out Loop Quiet 2 earplugs. Online results of earplugs were mixed in alleviating tinnitus, but I found that they did help me. I wore them during most of a worship service, which diminished the higher pitches, which were giving the tinnitus strength. I also wore them when I slept and most of the ambient noises of the room disappeared, allowing me a better night of sleep. 



[2] I have a pair of air conduction "open ear" headphones, so I paired them with a "tinnitus relief" app on my smartphone. Playing with various types of sounds, I discovered that "brown noise" does counter my tinnitus. So I have the app act as a brown noise generator at low volume and can still hear the soundtrack of the real world.

[3] I found a good Buddhist response to tinnitus online, which I've been trying to enact. Accept it for what it is, but don't allow it any power. Don't try to focus on it. Don't try to not focus on it. Just let it be. This is easier said than done, but I think its the same way that cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) works on tinnitus and I potentially saved myself a bunch of energy, time, and money.

We'll see how it goes!

LEFT-HANDED GIRL

Left-Handed Girl (2025) directed by Shih-Ching Tsou. This family drama navigates generations of a Taiwanese family and their dynamics. Shu-Fen moves to Taipei with her two daughters—young adult I-Ann and five-year-old I-Jing. She opens a noodle stand in a night market and struggles to make ends meet. Shu-Fen's relationships with her parents and siblings complicate everything. All of the characters are just living their lives but also "putting on a good face" for the public and one another. Until it all unravels, in some sense. Beware the Devil Hand that sets a lot of bad things into motion! (Thanks, Grandpa!)

The cinematography favors rich colors and amber light. The sound mixing is exquisite at times, especially during market scenes. It's a sensually-rich movie. Highly recommended.

Streaming on Netflix.

STORM of FORMS

Tonight's sit was a storm of forms arising from emptiness. (Except emptiness is form, and form is emptiness.)

The ticking of the clock on the wall. 

The scent of someone's sweat. 

Sirens of emergency vehicles, near and far. 

Sighs and soft exhalations. 

The chatter of my own mind. 

The humming of the heater when it was on. 

The fluctuating temperature of the room. 

The aroma of Eiheiji incense. 

The pins-and-needles burning of numb legs. 

The dripping of the leaky pipe supplying the water fountain. 

The flicker of the candle on the altar. 

The slight smell of urine on a nearby cushion or the floor. 

People talking loudly in the alley behind the building. 

The shifting of someone in a chair.

And yet: simply showing up for the present moment.

THE MERGE

The Merge (2025) by Grace Walker. I was sucked in by the cover design and stayed for the content. This dystopian sci-fi and existential mystery novel follows four pairings of people who are merging under the watchful eye of the Combine company. We primarily follow 23-year-old Amelia (the Host) and her mother with early-onset Alzheimer's, Laurie (the Transfer), as they merge into one new being containing two persons, Laurie-Amelia. The first half of the book follows their journey of pre-operative preparations, and raises many questions about personhood and being. The second half of the book takes place after the surgery and quickly spirals into many levels of personal hell. The mechanics of the Merge are never fully explained, which is preferable to slogging through a lot of pseudoscience. Laurie's Alzheimer's challenges our grasp on the stories being told and shared. Is she a reliable narrator? This was a brisk read for me, with good pacing and plenty of intrigue and surprises. Recommended. 

 

Checked out from the Puyallup Public Library

IRON LUNG

Iron Lung (2026) directed by Markiplier. I went into this film knowing almost nothing about it, other than it was based on a videogame of the same name. I also knew that this was going to vibe with The Child because it was fire. But, alas, it was one of the most tortuous films I've endured without leaving the theater. Not enough mythology and/or back story was provided to make sense of what motivated the character. (No connection to plot and setting.) I had nothing in common with the main character. (No connection to the protagonist and narrative.) The first twenty minutes felt like they were the introduction of a videogame, the tutorial that helps you understand how the controls function and how you navigate the game. But then it just got more obtuse, and I became further disconnected. It provided some of the weirdness that only cinema can provide, but not when it makes no sense.

Additionally, this movie played into two of my pet peeves. The first is that it's an "isolation film," focused almost solely on one character. That means there has to be a strong story and a strong actor. This movie provided neither. The second is that it's a "deadline film," with a countdown. I no longer play most videogames that are timed. I certainly don't want to sit through a film of the same.

I should have waited for streaming, and then passed on that.

Viewed at Regal Cinemas.

PERFECT DAYS

Perfect Days (2023) directed by Wim Wenders. This is a perfect film, a slow and languid slice-of-life tone poem that follows the day-to-day routine of Hirayama, a cleaner with The Tokyo Toilet. There is variation in the sameness of each day, even as each day is anchored in quotidian touch points. The cinematography is beautiful, the sound design is exquisite, and the "dream installations" between days are intriguing. I could seriously step into Hirayama's life and be content.

"The world is made of many worlds. Some are connected and some are not." This is film as meditation and I'm here for it.

Streaming on Hulu.

THE VVITCH

The VVitch (2015) written and directed by Robert Eggers. "We will conquer this wilderness. It will not consume us." A Puritan family is cursed by God. Or do they instead convince themselves of the same? I find it fascinating that I remember large brush strokes of the story, after multiple viewings the past decade, but forget many of the details. For instance, I think I've blocked out the witch at the very beginning of the film. I don't remember the dark hare and the role it plays. This is the cinematic child of the Grimm brothers, John Calvin, Washington Irving, Nathaniel Hawthorne. It is so well done, and it foreshadows the other movies by Eggers.

"Black Phillip! Black Phillip!" Even though it's historical fiction of the seventeenth century, I think it also speaks into the darkness and demons of our own time. This is easily one of my top five films.

Viewed on DVD.

THE ANIMAL KINGDOM

The Animal Kingdom (2023) directed by Thomas Cailley. If you liked The Lobster by Yorgos Lanthimos, Disney animated Brave, or werewolf flicka, then this movie is for you. It is all of those and none of those. A strange disease (COVID allegory, racism, modernism in general?) is mutating some into beasts. We follow François and his son Èmile as they deal with the aftermath of the transformation of Lana, their wife and mother, and the changes it brings to their lives. It's a story of illness, hiddenness, passing, and freedom, as well as a coming-of-age tale. It's a mixture of practical special effects and CGI. There's some low-key body horror at play. Recommended.

Streaming on Hulu.

JAY KELLY

Jay Kelley (2025) directed by Noah Baumbach. An accomplished and aging movie star, Jay Kelly (George Clooney), is having an existential crisis. When is one authentic? When is one acting? Can one be both or are these concepts always in opposition? Fame provides success, wealth, and accolades, but at what cost? This film is filled with loss, longing, and loneliness, but very little love. The tragedy is that it is all self-created. Is Jay Kelly a likable character? There are some echoes of It's a Wonderful Life, but remixed with This Is Your Life. The film also serves as a love song to a bygone era of Hollywood. Some of my favorite scenes are flashbacks and how they are handled. Well acted and well crafted. In addition to Clooney, Adam Sandler and Laura Dern provide some great acting. I recommend it!

Streaming on Netflix.

LUNK

Meet my new friend Lunk. Lunk is at the growing edge of my right arm for overhead presses, and will really challenge my left arm. But Lunk is perfect, as of right now, for two-handed exercises, such as deadlifts.

I'm hoping Lunk helps my left arm in its new/next phase of returning to normal.

ARE WE ONE

Are We One (2024) directed by Dónal Ó Céillrachair. This spiritual biography follows the path of faith walked by Robert Kennedy, Jesuit priest and Zen priest both. We see the dharma transmitted through his three teachers—Yamada Roshi, Maezumi Roshi, and Glassman Roshi—to him, and, through his practice and work as Roshi (Zen Master), to his successors. The controversy of his installation, especially in the world of American Zen, is also touched upon. I sensed much suffering in his life, but also his moving with and through it; living his life, being himself. This is an inspiring story of one person's life and the interconnectedness and influence upon those around him.

Viewed as the January 2026 selection of the Tricycle Film Club.

TEMPLE

Practice tonight, with South Sound Zen. Zazen. Kinhin. Chanting. The reading of a poem, "[I Saw Myself]" by Lew Welch.

I was the fukudo (temple drummer) this evening.

•

I saw myself
a ring of bone
in the clear stream
of all of it

and vowed,
always to be open to it
that all of it
might flow through

and then heard
“ring of bone” where
ring is what a

bell does

ALTAR

I bought a small black metal side table and a couple of bamboo cutting boards at IKEA to build a simple and inexpensive home altar. ("Practice" is my word for 2026.)



The altar is ready for shikantaza ("just sitting").



I also purchased a 4-inch camphor-wood mokugyo (fish drum) for chanting at home.

PRACTICE

My word for 2026 is "practice."

•

On a draw, I caught my left hand with the edge of the sword. If it had been a live blade, I would have lost my four fingers and half of my palm (where the blade lies across my hand). I think I know what I did wrong and 舌 gave me a strong bite for good measure (and to remember). Hence the need for practice!