BULLSHIT CHRISTMAS

Sorry baby Jesus, but it was a Bullshit Christmas. And then some.

Today is Day 23/7. Twenty-three days since I broke my left humerus on the afternoon of Christmas Eve. Seven days since I had a 28 centimeter metal rod inserted into my bone to stabilize the arm.

Originally, we decided to immobilize the arm with splint and sling. Upon the recheck twelve days later, however, it was discovered that the arm was healing crooked and I probably would lose some movement in it. I couldn't live with that, so surgery it was! That way I get closer to full recovery, although it also meant starting the clock over on healing.

So it's been days of pain and nerve burn. It's been days of meds, ice, rest. It's been days of boredom and lack of focus. Hopefully, it all adds up to a fully functional left arm in a few months, which will include weeks of no weight bearing on the arm and physical therapy. Here's to healing!

ADVENT QUIET MORNING

This year's Advent Quiet Morning was probably one of the most difficult to put together. I rely upon my reading throughout the year to provide material for the AQM set lists, but most of my reading this year was Buddhist. So I really had to dig deep to find pieces, and it came down to the wire.

I created small pieces of artwork to accompany each set of readings, which provided me an additional component for this year's participants to focus upon during times of meditation and silence following the Bible passages, poems, essays, and excerpts.



"Holy Ground," acrylic gel print on 4½" x 6½" cardstock.

Holy Ground

• Exodus 3:1-15.
• "Dancing with Divine Fire: A Divine Invitation" by Barbara Holmes, from the Center for Action and Contemplation's "Daily Meditations" series.
• "On Fire, But Not Burned," an online poem by Andrea Skevington.
• "Visio Divina, August 21, 2024," an online devotion by Scott Erickson.

"Mary," acrylic gel print on 4½" x 6½" cardstock.

Mary

• Luke 1:26-38.
• Lyrics from "Let It Be" by The Beatles.
• Excerpts from "Bring It: A Letter from Mary," chapter ten of Season's Greetings: Christmas Letters from Those Who Were There by Ruth L. Boling.
• "Fourth Station: Jesus Meets His Mother" from Come to Me, All of You: Stations of the Cross in the Voice of Christ by Amy Ekeh.

"The Light," acrylic gel print on 4½" x 6½" cardstock.

The Light

• Genesis 1:1-5.
• Two lines from The Book of Hours I, 44 by Rainer Maria Rilke.
• Psalm 18:28.
• Lyrics from "There Is a Light That Never Goes Out" by The Smiths.
• Psalm 27:1.
• Psalm 78:14.
• A quote from Hildegard of Bingen, from Vita Hildergard II.2, 71.
• Matthew 2:1-12.
• "Stars," a poem by Marjorie Pickthall.
• John 1:1-5.
• Four lines from Auguries of Innocence by William Blake.
• "A Resurrection Faith: Dawn's Radiant Light" by Father Richard Rohr and Becca Stevens, from the Center for Action and Contemplation's "Daily Meditations" series.
• Revelation 22:5.
• Two lines from Holden Evening Prayer.

BE NOT AFRAID

"Be Not Afraid," papercut cardstock on copy paper.

A companion piece to "Annunciation," I think these beings to be "lesser" angels in the hierarchy of the heavens. Perhaps they are component parts of a seraph. Or perhaps a seraph is a composite being. I liked the notion of the wings and wheel being angelic creatures in their own right, so here they are.

ANNUNCIATION

"Annunciation," gel-printed papercut cardstock and aluminum foil on copy paper.

A six-winged seraph, but the wings flapping in a circle as though the wheel envisioned by Ezekiel. And covered in eyes, but what if the people who encountered these angels mistook an orifice, an aperture, for eyes because of the shape. What if, instead of eyes, they were glimpses into the great emptiness, the void, the Ground of Being? What if, instead of eyes, they were mouths eternally singing Hallelujah! and praising the Divine, proclaiming the glory of the Lord?

BUDDHIST READING GROUP

Here are the ten books of the Buddhism Today Reading Group I joined this year. I joined in February and we don't meet in December, so this stack comprises the ten books I read and discussed each month. 

February

Standing at the Edge: Finding Freedom Where Fear and Courage Meet by Joan Halifax.

March

How to do Nothing: Resisting the Attention Economy by Jenny Odell.

April

Choosing Compassion: How to Be of Benefit in a World that Needs Our Love by Anam Thubten.

May

Zen in the Garden by Miki Sakamoto.

June

The Heroic Heart: Awakening Unbounded Compassion by Jetsunma Tenzin Palmo.

July

The Little Book of Zen Healing: Japanese Rituals for Beauty, Harmony, and Love by Paula Arai.

August

The World We Have: A Buddhist Approach to Peace and Ecology by Thich Nhat Hanh. 

September

One Long Listening: A Memoir of Grief, Friendship, and Spiritual Care by Chenxing Han.

October

Just One Thing: Developing a Buddha Brain One Simple Practice at a Time by Rick Hanson.

November

Awakening Dignity: A Guide to Living a Life of Deep Fulfillment by Phakchok Rinpoche and Sophie Wu.

My favorite book in the stack is One Long Listening by Chenxing Han, a spiritual memoir and meditations on grief by a Buddhist chaplain. It was intimate and vulnerable, exploratory and experimental, and provided a beautiful peek into both chaplaincy and friendship.



I also read an additional seven books that helped guide me, a couple of which were also read by the Buddhism Today Reading Group in prior years (with month and year in parentheses, if appropriate).

• Essential Zen by Kazuaki Tanahashi and Tenzo David Schneider.
• The Intimate Way of Zen: Effort, Surrender, and Awakening on the Spiritual Journey by James Ishmael Ford.
• Living Buddha, Living Christ by Thich Nhat Hanh.
• Luminous Darkness: An Engaged Buddhist Approach to Embracing the Unknown by Deborah Eden Tull.
• The Spring of My Life and Selected Haiku by Kobayashi Issa, translated by Sam Hamill (April 2023).
• We Were Made for These Times: Ten Lessons for Moving Through Change, Loss, and Disruption by Kaira Jewel Lingo (June 2022).
• Zen Mind, Beginner's Mind by Shunryu Suzuki.

My favorite book of these seven, and one of the most helpful to me in defining my current spiritual path this past year, is The Intimate Way of Zen. James Ishmael Ford is both a Unitarian Universalist pastor and Zen priest. It is loosely based around the Ten Oxherding Pictures of Zen.

At the most recent Buddhist reading group meeting, our main facilitator invited me to sit with members of South Sound Zen, so I went and sat with them. It was spectacular and holy and absolutely ordinary, all at the same time. It felt like "coming home," a place that is familiar and where I am known.

After sitting (zazen) for 25 minutes, walking meditation for 10 minutes (my first experience of kinhin), and then another 25 minutes of sitting, I had the opportunity to sit and converse with the leader for the evening, Chuck. He's on the board of trustees of Sonoma Mountain Zen Center, which is who allows him to lead/teach with South Sound Zen. He had a Pentecostal upbringing and shared about trying to shift from that background to Soto Zen. We talked about Thomas Merton, Thich Nhat Hanh, and Daniel Berrigan. We talked about the decline of organized religion. All while eating lemon cookies and drinking green tea. I'll be returning to sit again.

THE WHALE

The Whale (2022) directed by Darren Aronofsky. An adapted stage play, the “stage” is felt in the cinematography and choreography of the scenes. There is a claustrophobia that builds in the apartment of the morbidly obese and dying Charlie. And this apartment/stage is filled with broken people. Broken. People. Are they good? Are they evil? Or, are they simply broken? It’s a difficult film to inhabit at times, just as many of the characters find their lives difficult to inhabit. Notions of faith, freedom, health, relationship (family and friends), are grasped at and then slip away again. Herman Melville and Walt Whitman make “cameos” here and there. I thoroughly enjoyed this. The cast is stellar. The story may be honest, but brutally honest. I suppose there is redemption of a sort. Highly recommended.

After the wildness of Aronofsky’s Mother! (2017) this is a welcome return to a more grounded film.

Streaming on Netflix.

ALIEN: ROMULUS

Alien: Romulus (2024) directed by Fede Alvarez. Just to be clear, I was one of the few who actually liked and enjoyed Prometheus. If you didn't, but you defend the final creature in Romulus then I call bullshit and I'm going to punch you. Romulus is filled with action as well as worn and tired tropes borrowed from every Alien film that preceded it. And, in the case of the opening scenes in the mining colony, it is also borrows heavily from Blade Runner. This is the Alien film that pushes too far for me. The two leads, Rain and Andy, though, provide excellent performances as "new Ripley" and "the android."

This one's a mixed bag. If you aren't a fan of the franchise then I recommend a pass.

Streaming on Hulu.

DRY

I stopped drinking alcohol on January 1, 2024, in what was a one-year commitment to myself. Now, I’ve decided to go permanently dry, so I have a few Deschutes brews that need to be released into the wild, since I’m retiring my beer cellar. I hope to find someone (or a few someones) to enjoy them, as I would have at one time in the past.

WILL & HARPER

Will & Harper (2024) directed by Josh Greenbaum. It's a road trip buddy film, with an existential underpinning. It asks questions, but in a gentle way. It plays a bit too light with the hateful moments of others. There is a scene that makes me absolutely uncomfortable for Harper and the vulnerability she feels. Ultimately, though, it's a film with heart. Tender and loving. And it reminds me a bit of My Dinner with Andre, which is a good thing.

Streaming on Netflix.

RAN

Ran (1985) directed by Akira Kurosawa. His final film is samurai saga meets Shakespeare meets Dante. It's beautiful and a bit bombastic, filled with family drama, betrayal, and bloodshed. The movie slowly descends into madness alongside the Great Lord Ichimonji and his ever-increasing kabuki mask.

Highly recommended.